I got back from Mexico 1 week ago.

I was there for 2 and a half months because I'd planned to travel Latin America for the next year and a half (at least).

But 2 months in I hit a wall.

My energy was drained and I had no idea what I was doing.

"Am I here to work? Travel? Meet new people? Toss it off on the beach for the rest of my life?"

I couldn't find an answer to that question.

All I wanted was my energy back.

So I've returned to the UK for the next month or so to regather my energy and help my mum move before I potentially go back out there with a better plan.

But since I've been back, the life lessons have been hitting me.

And I'd like to share them with you now...

1.) Energy saving life hack: drastically reduce the amount of decisions you have to make.

My first month and a half in Mexico was great.

Everything was new and I found myself thinking "I might never return home!"

But after a month and a half I was getting a train back from a beach town called Puerto Morelos to my main base in Merida. And as soon as I arrived to the airbnb in Merida my energy crashed.

I had no motivation to do anything. Which annoyed me because I started to feel guilty for all the work I wasn't doing and all the experiences I wasn't having.

"I haven't travelled all the way here to spend half of my time recovering in a room alone!" I started to argue with myself.

But then it hit me...

Since I'd been there, I'd faced the same problem every week.

"Right, let's spend some time getting to know this new place, but don't forget in 5 days I have to check out of this airbnb. So I'll have to decide if I'm staying here or going somewhere else."

That was fun at first.

But after a while it became draining.

Who would've guessed constantly travelling to new places requires energy? :)

Not to mention moving to new places requires:

- Learning where the supermarkets are

- Setting up your stuff in a new environment

- Making new friends

- Getting new gym memberships

Etc.

TIRING.

But if you've got all of those things set up in a base you know, you can reclaim the energy you would spend on those things and re-route it elsewhere.

So now I've realised the importance of just rooting yourself in one place instead of flitting about here there and everywhere.

Turns out, this is great for your mental health :) (lol I feel like this whole newsletter is gonna be me throwing digs at myself).

As the saying goes; he who is everywhere is nowhere.

Cultivate roots. Dare to commit. Create deep meaning instead of fleeting fireworks.

Related thought: exploring without purpose can become just another form of delay, even if it’s wrapped in beautiful distractions. Delay from what? That's for you to decide.

2.) Frustration is part of the learning process.

I speak Spanish at an intermediate level.

But a week after I arrived in Mexico the frustration kicked in.

I quickly realised trying to make small talk or a quick joke to the 50 year old señora serving me at a supermarket wasn't so easy in Spanish as it was in English.

So I started to doubt my ability to speak and grew intimidated by how long I'd have to practice to really communicate like I do in English.

But 3 weeks in I had a breakthrough moment.

I started to pay more attention to my daily interactions and I made an effort to say at least one more thing other than "hello, how are you?" to the cashiers in supermarkets.

And one day I went up to a till in a shop and the woman serving me was eating something. So I cocked my head back and furrowed my eyebrows with curiosity and asked "what are you eating?" with a cheeky grin on my face and we both started laughing.

She tried to tell me but couldn't because her mouth was full. So as I stood there waiting for her response, noticing she clearly felt awkward at her lack of professionalism, I said "ahhhh, it's a secret" and we both laughed again.

Light bulb.

"I can make jokes! All I need to do is pay more attention" I thought to myself.

So the point is; if you're learning something, your frustration is literally feedback for what you need to focus on more.

Struggling to do something? Great, that's what you should focus on.

Frustration is a gift.

3.) You rarely know what you want.

The topic I was exploring most out there was desire.

I really wanted to figure out what it is and how to figure out what you actually want.

I mainly realised the reason why figuring out what you want is so tricky is because sometimes you say you don't want something but then you get it and realise you do want it (and vice versa).

For example, I might wake up and say I don't want to go to the gym, but then I go and feel glad I went.

So can you really trust yourself when you say you want or don't want something?

To find out, here's a 2 week experiment you can do:

For week 1 fully trust your inner guide and don't do anything you don't want to. Don't push through the lack of motivation. Just follow your desires.

But then in week 2 act opposite to everything you say you do or don't want to do.

Gather your insights after the 2 weeks.

My guess is you'll likely realise it's not either/or. Sometimes your desires will be genuine, sometimes they won't. So your main job in life is to keep following the genuine desires as much as you can, while understanding sometimes you're going to follow false ones. And that's ok. You're human.

4.) Don't deny the reality of life by not saying goodbye.

3 days before I decided to return to the UK I booked a salsa class with my tutor.

We'd been learning together for the past 2 months and I'd really built a heartfelt connection with her.

We'd spend half of our sessions talking about life in between dancing. It was great.

Her name is Milethza and she's the best dancer I've ever danced with (15 years of living in Cuba will help with that lol).

But as soon as I made the decision to return to the UK I felt a lump in my throat at the thought of saying goodbye to her.

The thought of saying goodbye to everyone else I'd met felt easy, but saying goodbye to her felt impossible.

So in our final class, I told her I was leaving built downplayed the sadness by not making a big deal out of it.

"It's fine, I'll be back" and "we'll definitely dance again, don't worry" I reassured her.

She replied by thanking me for being such a good student and for spending such lovely time together.

So we hugged and both rushed out of the door because I had to get an uber back to my apartment and she had an appointment in 10 minutes time.

"Thank you for everything!" she said as she rushed into her uber and I waved her off.

But as I sat in the back of my uber, my shoulders slumped.

Something didn't feel right.

Then I realised I'd denied reality by not being honest with her.

I told her we'd see each other again when the likelihood is that was probably the last time we'd ever see each other because I knew deep down I wouldn't be returning to that region of Mexico.

I just couldn't accept that as our last goodbye. I knew if I did, I would regret it for the rest of my life.

So the next day being a Saturday, I messaged her and arranged to meet up with her and her husband in the centre of Merida to dance the night away in a cantina salsa bar.

We were all dressed up and spoke for ages.

I allowed myself to embrace the sadness of the moment and really explain my appreciation to her for all the moments we'd shared together. I gave her a big hug and embraced the reality that that was likely the last time because I'd have rather done that than return home and regret it forever.

It was truly a wonderful night.

Sad and joyful.

The takeaway: don't deny reality by downplaying your sadness if you're saying goodbye to someone for the last time. Life is tough. We all die. Remember that when you say adios. And if the tears come, so be it. At least you honoured the moment and the connection instead of denying it.

In the film The Hobbit, a character named Tauriel asks of her father after learning her true love might die "why does it hurt so much?". "Because it was real" he responds.

5.) Don’t say “people are judging me” say “people are looking intently”

This is going to sound like the most egotistical, arsehole thing I've ever said...

A lot of people looked at me on the street in Mexico.

Simply because I'm white and I was the minority out there.

It's hard to describe the way they'd look at me. It was a mixture between fascination of someone who doesn't have brown coloured eyes and suspicion of a foreigner.

Either way, I wasn't used to that much public attention so it started to affect my day to day life. Basically I became more self conscious.

But one day as I was walking through a busy street in Merida on the way to an outdoor gym with people giving me strange looks each time I walked past them, a thought flashed through my mind...

"Ok, this feels weird. Mainly because one part of me feels as if these people are judging me. But to be honest, I have no idea what they're thinking about me. So why not be objective about this? Instead of thinking "they're judging me" why not just describe exactly what they're doing; "people are looking at me."

And just like that my social anxiety disappeared simply because I went from evaluating to observing.

Takeaway; the next time you're out and you notice people looking at you, try to be as objective as possible without evaluating what they're doing.

For example:

"She hates me" < "she's looking at me with her eyebrows crossed."

"They're making fun of me" < "they're looking at me as I'm walking past them."

6.) You probably don’t need to improve your social skills, you just need to regulate social anxiety better.

In terms of social skills, the main topic I was exploring out there was social anxiety.

And that was unexpected.

Because before I left I was deep into the topics of charisma, body language and what to actually say to people.

But I quickly realised no other social skill matters if you can't first regulate your social anxiety.

You might have the best conversational topics but if you're so anxious that you can't get into a conversation in the first place, they're useless.

You might be the best active listener in the world but if you're social anxiety is convincing you you can't leave your room, what's the use?

You might know all the body language hacks necessary to make someone feel attraction towards you but if you're too anxious to go to that networking event, no one will know you exist!

Invest energy into conquering social anxiety and everything else becomes easy.

Spoiler; this is what I'm studying now I'm back; how to fully conquer social anxiety so you can unlock not just the social life you want, but also learn how to live a life of expansion rather than shrinking. More to come on that.

7.) Disagreeing

You disagree with people because you don’t share the same values. And that’s fine. What’s not fine is trying to manipulate the other person into adopting your values to make yourself feel secure.

Related: the internet is a platform where people argue others should live by their values without realising we all have different values, and that’s fine.

8.) Manufactured experiences

Just let everything happen to you.

I was sat outside in the sun in Merida one day, without music or any stimulation. Feeling calm.

Then I started to wonder why I felt so calm in comparison to when I’d bring my earphones and listen to music.

It’s because when I listen to music or listen to a podcast I’m trying to manufacture an experience rather than allowing whatever is to flow through me.

Tension arises due to trying to manufacture experiences.

Just let everything happen to you and your calmness will return.

9.) Action vs perfection

A friend said this to me in Spanish; no importa como acciones, siempre será mejor que lograr la perfección.

No matter how you act, it will always be better than achieving perfection.

He also said this...

La piel te confirma si hay enamoramiento.

Skin will let you know if there’s love.

That's all for now.

There's likely more life lessons I'll realise in time, and when I do I'll share them with you.

Thank you for reading. It genuinely means a lot that we share these moments throughout the week together.

I appreciate you.

See you in the next one.

Lew