Attending, Your Wisdom & A Terrifying Question (Thursday's Therapy)

My people.

It's currently 19:54, the sky is dark outside and the rain is pattering on my window.

The sounds of soothing Arabic music is dancing its way out of my laptop speakers. I have a belly full of food and I'm ready to share five short ideas with you from this week.

Enjoy.

1.) The importance of attending

"When someone in your presence is trying to think, much of what you're hearing and seeing is your effect on them." - Nancy Cline (book: time to think)

WHAT A QUOTE!

I love it.

I've been reading her book this week and it's all about the importance of listening.

I truly think one of the best social skills you can develop is attention.

Not like dead-doornail just gazing into the distance while someone is talking at you attention. I mean really being there with people, posturing towards them, phones down, demonstrating "I'm here with you and nothing else matters right now but this."

Give that gift to people, and watch them change before your eyes.

lol this arabic music is making me whimsical.

2.) "Everything happens for a reason" yeah yeah yeah and all that crap

I'm feeling strong on this one so bear with me...

This week I've been thinking about how the sayings “everything happens for a reason” and “everything lead me here” are both easy ways to shirk responsibility.

Why?

Because by handing over the fate of your life to the easy explanation of “this happened for a reason”, you’re playing a risky game of not taking ownership for the control you have over your life and the agency you have over your decisions.

If "everything happens for a reason" where does that logic end? When do I start admitting I'm making the wrong choices and need to change?

This reminds me of the saying: us humans aren't rational, we're rationalising.

Which means; you can pretty much gaslight yourself into believing anything happens for a reason just because you say it has.

And I really don't think it's good you do that to yourself.  

In my opinion, I think it’s better and a much healthier sign of growth to say “I made that decision, and I’m not proud of it. I rather regret it. In fact I don't actually like where that decision has lead me. But it’s happened and I can’t waste any energy trying to change it, so I’m not going to deny it happened and instead focus my energy on using it as instruction for what to do or not do in the future.”

Just a thought :) who knows - maybe I'm seeing it wrong.

What do you think?

3.) Trust

If you want trust, give it away.

4.) A terrifying question to ask

If I repeated this week’s actions for 10 years, where would I end up?

😭

5.) A quote on my mind non stop

"It's better to go wrong in your own way than to go right in someone else's." - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Damn.

Just how many of your choices and beliefs are yours?

How much of your life is guided by your wisdom and not the "shoulds" of others?

For me, I've found that when people agree with a decision I want to make, it's usually the wrong decision. But when I make a decision and everyone around me goes "wtf are you doing?" that it's usually the best decision - not because I'm intentionally trying to ragebait and get a reaction, but because the decision is actually mine.

(Not in every case of course, sometimes not everyone is wrong, but more often than not, when people disagree with my decisions its a good sign).

I think one of the best skills in life you can develop is trusting your own wisdom - and accepting that by trusting it, it will sometimes lead you down the wrong path.

But all you can say to yourself, the people in your life and the heavens is: "look, I'm going to trust my own wisdom on this one. And I fully accept that I could be wrong. Hell, if I'm wrong, I'll hold my hands up and admit it. But I have to trust my own wisdom. I have to. The other option isn't in alignment with me."

Good luck trusting your wisdom. You'll mess it up sometimes. But that's ok. It's yours. :)

Thanks for reading,

Lew

P.s. Absolutely huge news; tomorrow I'm finally pressing record on the social confidence course - omg so excited because what's inside is genuinely life changing once you learn it - it's simple, clear and makes building social confidence low stakes and FUN. No performance, no scripts, no "face your fears". Just what works. Join the waitlist here, we're close to launching the first version of it.

P.P.S got back from Marbella, weather change has been drastic. Trying to fight back the seasonal depression with spiritual surrender, saffron supplements and salted caramel cups. How r u? oh and everyone telling me on the last email that the photo wasn't a black wasp but a carpenter bee i love u 🫶🏻😭

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