It's the 10th of May and I'm walking down a busy street in Merida Mexico.

It's around midday so the sun is scorching hot and glaring down on me.

I've already lost half my body weight in sweat so the fact I'm 5 minutes away from a supermarket with air conditioning is a cooling thought.

So I continue walking, too hot and bothered to greet any of the smiley sun kissed Mexicans walking past me, but then I turn a corner to see the holy grail finally appear before me.

“Super Aki, supermercado.”

“Thank god” I think to myself as I climb the 5 short steps of the supermarket’s entrance which feel like climbing Everest in 38°C, and enter the doors.

But as soon as I walk in, I'm not greeted by a refreshing breeze nor a warm smiley welcome from the security guard. Instead I'm hit with a mean scowl and a heatwave as I realise there's no air conditioning. So everyone who works in the supermarket has been roasting for god knows how long.

“Buenos dias” I say to the guard as he scowls at me while lazily nodding his head and wiping sweat from his brow.

“Brilliant” I think to myself as I grab a shopping basket. “This isn’t a supermarket, but a sauna with food.”

So with my list of food ready and a desire to escape the place like a felon on the run, I wiz round all the aisles and fill my shopping cart with essentials. But every 30 seconds I have to wipe the pool of sweat gathering on my forehead. All of which is making me feel less and less sociable.

So 20 minutes later, as I now look down to see my cart full, I gulp so as to try to quench my thirst and not pass out from dehydration. But I then take a second gulp of nervousness as I walk round the corner of the frozen food section to see the tills appear. Packed to the brim with sweaty, agitated and impatient Mexicans.

So I join the queue to the till and patiently wait. Happy to see people in front of me instead of behind so if there’s a problem (my card doesn’t work or the lady says something to me in Spanish I don’t understand) I don’t become a social, dehydrated embarrassment.

But as I’m stood by the busy till, I begin to drift off; meditating on thoughts of diving head first in a refreshing, turquoise clear pool as I salmon dive out of it and land on a cool sun lounger with 3 ripe coconuts beside me. I go to sip the coconut and smell the succulent taste of sugar before it hits my mouth...

“Con permiso…”

I’m instantly snapped out of my daydream as I feel a hand brush my shoulder. I turn to see a Mexican man trying to squeeze pass me. So I move out of the way and am instantly hit by the heatwave of the supermarket. But worse yet, I turn around to see 10 new sweaty, agitated and impatient Mexicans behind me.

“Brilliant” I sigh to myself. "Let’s just hope nothing goes wrong."

“Hola” I say to the cashier, a 50 year old Mexican lady with a face full of makeup, as I begin unloading my 2 weeks worth of food onto the tiny till. Nervously shaking from the electrolytes that have left my body and the fear of potential social embarrassment.

“Hola” she says back to me in a monotone voice with a face of disgust, as if she’s just seen her ex who cheated on her 5 years ago.

“I hope she’s just hot and bothered” I think as I unload the last of my food and move to the end of the till with my payment card ready. Desperate to escape as I can feel the 20 beaming eyes of the sweaty Mexicans now looking directly at me.

But then a thought flashes through my mind...

“I wonder what I could do to make her smile?”.

“Wait, not now Lewis." the voice of social anxiety argues. "Now is not the time to try and make friends. Let’s just leave.”

So as I pack the last of the food in my bag, still wondering why this  Mexican lady looks so annoyed, she looks me up and down and says “$753 pesos” while smacking her chewing gum in her mouth like a 12 year old with an attitude.

“Perfecto” I respond “tarjeta por favor.” (Card please).

So the annoyed lady reaches behind her shoulder, grabs the card machine and places it in my hand with relief for both of us.

“THE END IS IN SIGHT!” I think as I smile, look up and see the exit of the supermarket.

Beep-beep-beep-beep I hear as I press enter on the card machine, now smiling as I hand it back to her.

But as I turn round and try to smile at the young Mexican lady impatiently shifting in the queue behind me so as to make this awkward silence slightly less awkward, I hear a sound from over my shoulder which can only be described as rejection.

Card declined.

The annoyed cashier lady is now looking at me with the machine in her hand and her eyebrows raised.

All I want is for the floor to open up and swallow me whole. Worse yet I can now hear sighs from the sweaty Mexicans behind me.

I look back to her for answers. I’m desperate.

“You have a debit card?” She asks with impatience.

“Yes” I quickly respond to prove I'm on her side.

“I’ll have to get the other machine from my manager” she says this time not with a sigh but with a huff. The universal message of “you are now the bane of my existence and I’d rather be anywhere else than here with you.”

Now she walks off into the distance and leaves me like a child waiting at the till for his mum to return, oblivious to the dangers of the world and the purpose of money and conversations.

So as I’m stood there, catching glimpses from the angry queue of people behind me, I stare off into the distance and try to think of that pool again. Anything. Any thought that will help me feel slightly less uncomfortable.

But my mind doesn’t drift off to the image of the refreshing pool, coconuts and salmon dives. Instead it returns to that thought of humanitarian creativity; “how could I make this situation less awkward while making this annoyed lady smile?"

So 2 minutes later, as my Mexican mother finally returns with a new card machine, she plonks it in my hand and says “aqui, try again” with 2 frowning eyebrows that say “2 minutes and you better be gone.”

But as I hold the card machine in my hands, with her harsh eyes and everyone else in the supermarket scrutinising my every movement, and as if the fate of my social life depends entirely on this moment, I smile, pretend the card machine is a phone, put it to my ear and say “hola?”.

To which the 10 sweaty Mexicans behind me laugh, the tension in the air is relieved and the heat of the sauna finally disappears.

So 20 seconds later, as I hear the final “beep” on the card machine as I press enter, I hand the machine back to the lady, gather my 2 shopping bags and leave her with a warm “adios” which she returns.

And as I walk towards the exit of the supermarket, now with a big smile on my face, I catch eyes with the security guard and we both smile at each other like good friends leaving a gathering.

But as soon as the light of the sun hits my eyes and I begin walking back home, I realise the world did swallow me up. But with a feeling of warmth. Because all I can think of is the lady’s smile as she handed me my receipt.

Mission accomplished.

Distillation...

Don’t be afraid to go off script.

Say something wacky

Try a new joke

Begin a conversation from a random angle

Shake up your day and do something you’ve never done before

Lean in to read the cashier's name badge but purposely mistake their name for the name of the supermarket

Because going off script means not only you'll remember the experience/conversation/interaction more but others will as well. And that's fun.

To finalise this in practical terms, here are some things that'll help you go off script...

Note: going off script largely depends on the situation you're in. So you'll also have to trust your creativity in the moment.

1.) Bring the right energy.

The energy you bring to your interactions will determine the outcome of the interaction.

If you approach the interaction with slouched, lifeless and "face like a smacked arse" energy then that's what you'll get back.

I'll be honest, the energy I've been bringing to all of my interactions recently could be described as "super smiley and happy to see you energy." It's been working wonders. Try it.

2.) Have the right intentions.

How you intend to interact with people will also determine the outcome of the interaction.

If you see people as nothing more than a stepping stone to your goals or as a hindrance to your day, don't be surprised if you get nothing positive from them in the interaction.

Instead, treat everyone like a friend you haven't seen in ages. Or perhaps imagine angel wings lightly floating behind them.

Anything that will help you approach them with more compassion and positivity.

You might even like to set yourself an objective like the one in the story above:

How could I make this person smile?

What would I have to do to make them feel comfortable?

3.) Remember you'll die.

The next time you're walking down the street, remember that in 60ish years, you and everyone else you see will be dead.

Hopefully that gives you permission to take more social risks.

4.) Who cares?

If you watch a lot of social skills content online, you probably think you have to be someone you're not.

As in; you have to dance like a monkey in front of others in order for them to like you.

You don't.

Ideally you want to socialise and have fun with others without loosing your soul.

So the next time you feel you have to be mysterious or do something that feels inauthentic when you're socialising, stop, open your palm and slap yourself across the face.

People don't want a mirage. They want you. Yes, even the goofy, weird, strange side of you.

Shed your performance and do what gives you more energy; not what makes you feel drained.

(Lol, half baked thoughts, defo need more thinking).

I'd love to know though, what's an example from your life of you breaking the script? Do you have any more tips on how to do it better?

Until next week,

Lew

P.s. apologies for not sending a newsletter last Thursday. As some of you know I'm travelling Latin America and last week I was in Tulum, on a Caribbean beach with 3 Argentinians drinking mate.

Photo bomb.

P.p.s if you've emailed me and haven't gotten a response yet, that's my fault. I haven't been very active on technology recently because I'm doing a digital detox. So if I haven't responded, I'm not ignoring you. I just haven't been checking emails/messages.

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