Romantic Alignment vs Chaotic Connection

This week a subscriber reached out with a problem.

A few months ago he'd met a girl while on holiday. They fell for each other but now she's showing a lack of interest.

"I just don't get it" he told me in distress "we got along so well and she approached me! It all felt so natural and magical so part of me really wants to push through and make this work even though she doesn't seem invested."

So seeing he was clearly upset and confused, and after seeing the text screenshots which showed she clearly couldn't care less, I told him something my dad taught me a few years ago...

First of all I recorded a video of my hands doing this and said:

Sometimes your life path can cross with someone but not intertwine.

And sometimes your life path can cross with someone and intertwine.

Their life paths had crossed but not intertwined.

But it all clicked for him when I said; choose a woman who chooses you.

The key takeaway: whether you're a man or woman, if you have to chase, convince, persuade and put waayyyyyy more effort in than the other person just to get them to show a smidge of interest, stop. Because no matter how hard you squirm, you'll only exhaust yourself as they find more reasons to not care - and then give excuses for their lack of caring.

Instead, choose people who stick around because they want to. Not because you forced them to stay every time they tried to leave.

So if you're in this situation, how can you maturely address someone's lack of interest so you can gain clarity?

A simple text can do the trick.

Be respectful and assertive while calling out the elephant in the room.

If you want to continue connecting with them but don't want the ball to be in your court, say:

"Hey, I could be wrong, but it seems like you've lost interest. Deep down, I hope I'm wrong, because I'd love to keep talking with you. But if I'm not wrong, no worries. I respect your time and space and want to let you know I'm really grateful for the time we shared together."

Then they'll either say (directly or indirectly) "yeah, you're right, it's best if we end things" or "wait! Sorry! x/y/z was happening and I wanna maintain this". Either way, respect their autonomy while respecting your mental health.

If you don't want to speak to them anymore, say:

"Hey, it seems like you've lost interest. And that's fine! I just don't want to keep guessing your intentions and wasting your time. So I wanted to thank you for the moments we shared together and let you know that from my side, it's goodbye and I wish you all the best."

The round up: for all human relationships, if it costs your mental health, it's too expensive. And choose people who bring you peace and clarity, not chaos and confusion.

And always do your best to let other people know where they stand with you. Don't drag them through "intention guessing hell". Keep things clear, honest and vulnerable. If you like them, tell them. If you don't like them, end things.

In the fine words of Alain De Botton:

"Most of the people we deal with would far rather face frustration head on than be sold a fine tale and then have to suffer disappointment in gradual doses."

But before we all start crying while thinking about past flings, here's a final  quote I love that's related to this topic...

Horace (Roman poet) warns us of dirty vessels:

"If the vessel is not clean, whatever you pour in goes sour."

Personal reflection: I think about this a lot in terms of relationships. As mentioned above, no amount of "good" you do will satisfy someone who doesn't want to be in your life. Whether that's in a friendship or romantic relationship.  

Now we can cry while thinking about past flings.

Now let's finalise with this week's question related to this topic...

If you could only subtract things to improve your life, what would be the first things to go?

My answer: probably texting people so much instead of calling 🫣.

That's all for this week,

Thanks for reading,

Lew

P.s. you can join the wait list for my upcoming product here.

P.p.s visual of the week

meme

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