Here's my favourite social interaction from this week...

Yesterday I was in the gym, hitting the boxing bag.

To the right of me a young lady was swinging a kettlebell around.

But then I turned round to see an old guy walking behind me, sweaty as hell, clearly almost finished with his workout.

So I nodded at him to offer the universal sign of "alright mate" to which he nodded back.

But then he grabbed a yoga mat and laid it right next to the young lady, clearly in her way.

So a bit startled and flustered, the woman shuffled out of his way and said in a jokey voice "I'll try not to hit you!".

To which the old man, now on all fours about to stretch, laughed and said "don't worry, it might knock some sense into me."

She laughed, he laughed, I laughed.

The social harmony was restored.

Here's what it made me realise...

If you can poke fun at yourself, without putting yourself down, you'll not only stand a better chance at making others laugh but you'll lighten your own view of yourself as well.

Because for me, self deprecating humour signals "this person doesn't take themselves too seriously. They're up for a good time."

So try it.

The next time you're carrying a tray of coffees over to a table at your local cafe, say to the person next to you "how much do you wanna bet I spill these everywhere?"

The next time someone asks you "what are you good at?" respond with "well, if procrastinating then cramming everything in last minute were a sport, I'd be world class."

The next time you're late to something, instead of apologising 30 times and making the vibe awkward, just say "sorry I'm late, my time management skills are still in beta testing."

Or the next time someone bumps into you and they say "sorry" respond with "ah don't worry, in fact, if you do it again but a bit harder it might knock some sense into me."

And who knows, it might just build a bridge between you and the other person.

But in case you're wondering, here's how to strike the sweet spot between being self deprecating without putting yourself down...

1.) Target quirks not worth.

✅ “I’m so good at losing my keys I should add it to my résumé.”

❌ “I’m such an idiot, I always lose things.”

2.) Deliver it with playfulness.

Say it in a light hearted tone. Not with your shoulders slumped and a sad face.

3.) Pair it with competence.

✅ “I couldn't make spaghetti to save my life… but my omelettes are Michelin-star quality.”

4.) Laugh with, not at yourself.

Essentially you're communicating; "I notice my quirks and I'm cool with them."

You're not seeking reassurance from others.

Just before we finalise this letter with 5 other things I've realised this week, its still not too late to join the waiting list for the new Go First programme.

It'll teach you how to start interactions that offer you the opportunity to be self deprecating in the first place, not with tension, but with confidence and playfulness. (Plus I can send you behind the scenes updates and you'll be the first to know when it drops 🥷🏼😎.)

Now let's finalise with some other things I've realised this week...

1.) Just because other people agree with you doesn't mean you're doing the right thing.

"If you are being praised for your decision, be sure you are on the wrong path." - Nietzsche

I've been having some major social rebellion thoughts this week.

There's something called the social default which claims we make decisions based on what everyone else is doing.

I agree.

I think the more people disagree with what you're doing, the more you can take that as a sign you're on the right path.

Yeah, it'll be a tougher path. But it'll likely be more authentic to you.

And of course just make sure that stuff people disagree with isn't you murdering, being a psycho etc. :)

If it helps, you could even do the following exercise:

- Write down the 3 best decisions you've ever made in your life and the 3 worst decisions.

- Once written down, try and notice any themes amongst them.

- My guess? For your best decisions most people would've disagreed with you. For your worst decisions, most people would've agreed with you.

- But hey ho, I could be wrong.

2.) Your "self" will always change the measuring stick.

"We want to be smarter, more attractive, more successful, etc., and all of these ideas are our “problems.” The great tragedy here is that we never realize that none of these conditions will ever be met completely to the satisfaction of the self because the self must continue to think in order to stay in existence and therefore will always change the measuring stick—always adding a new “better” to fall short of." - Chris Niebauer

This is from the book no self no problem. It mixes neuroscience and buddhism to explain how your idea of "self" doesn't exist, yet most of your problems come from it.

Awesome book.

I was reading it while researching the social anxiety section for the Go First programme.

Long story short: anxiety is all left brain. To escape it, get into right brain flow.

3.) Robert Estabrook teaches the key to great negotiation.

“He who has learned to disagree without being disagreeable has discovered the most valuable secret of negotiation.”

4.) Clear thinking and your work.

The quality of your work is dependent on how much clear thinking went into it. If you made it in a scrambled state, eager to meet an imaginary self imposed deadline, it’ll show. Half arsed, sloppy, unclear.

But if what went into it was space, care and deep thinking, it’ll show.

5.) Letting go isn't saying goodbye, its a welcoming party.

My friend Christian tweeted this a few weeks ago...

"Let life flow, that which leaves fulfills its destiny, attracts the new, letting go is not saying goodbye, it is a welcoming party."

Love it.

That's all for now.

Until next week,

Lew

P.s. visuals of the week.

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