18 life changing streams of consciousness (4 mins read)

Brothers, sisters, amigos, amigas. (I should really just pick one shouldn't I?).

I've just been practicing salsa alone in my room for the last 30 minutes.

Drenched in sweat. Thrilled. Full of vigour.

I got so excited by the plonks of Cuban bongos in my ears I did a full Michael Jackson triple spin and my headphones came flying off.

But before I bent down to pick them up, I checked the time on my phone.

10:34pm!

Why did I get this sudden surge of energy now and not this morning?

So as I began worming under the sofa to find the last missing earpiece, I scrambled back up and realised; "I should probably send the newsletter before bed instead of doing Michael Jackson spins and breaking my headphones".

So be it long or short, coherent or a rambling stream of consciousness, no matter what awaits you in the words that follow, I hope that some combination of letters will strike you like a Spanish bull sprinting toward a herd of ripe mates.

Hard.

Because what follows is my favourite ideas and quotes I've collected this week.

Some have context, others are just thrown at you.

Get stuck in.

‍

Part 1: my personal thoughts.

‍

1.) We teach people how to treat us.

‍

2.) Life is a never ending cycle of loving and hating yourself.

‍

3.) A person's ability to tolerate silence is in direct proportion to how comfortable they feel within themselves.

‍

4.) "The delight of normality" (written 2 nights ago before I went to bed after having a low energy day).

I feel a sense of resounding normalness. That of being human.

And of other humans being human too.

That we all have flaws. We all struggle. We all fear. And some days we’re just barely hanging on.

Excellence is often guarded as reserved for a select few. But what if true human excellence involves an all embracing approach towards life? A full leap into reality if you will. An embrace of oneself fully as a flawed human being that’s rarely a coherent thing. And that’s fine. Because you’re not going to be any other way.

Trees don’t complain they’re trees. They accept their nature. Well, they have no choice. Neither do we. So let’s accept ourselves. Wholeheartedly. Warts and all.

And most importantly, let's accept the reality of others. As disappointing as that might be.

‍

5.) Don't ask, just give.

Don’t ask someone if they want something before giving it to them (food, experiences etc.). Just give it to them.

Reason: most people say no to your offerings because they think it’ll take too much effort or time on your part. So just do it and don’t make them have to think. 99% of the time they want it.

‍

6.) When someone starts generalising to avoid talking about their feelings...

‍

If someone starts talking about their feelings then halfway through starts generalising about something philosophical, they're using the philosophy as a way of not talking about their true feelings.

For example:

“I just felt really sad. Well, I know I can’t generalise but usually when people do that it’s because…”

Or...

"You know, we all have our purpose in life, and it's up to the universe to guide us."

Just fucking tell me what you actually think and feel. Stop generalising.

Example number two also highlights how when backed into a corner (in this case emotionally; not wanting to continue talking about their emotions or personal experiences) people will refer to a third party to direct the spotlight of the conversation away from themselves.

E.g. "the universe", "people in general", "men", "women" or they could start telling a story or give an example about someone else.

Now this might not be a super strict rule, but in my experience when someone starts speaking about something personal then starts generalising, there's a very high chance they're generalising to avoid speaking about something that's deep and vulnerable for them.

Finally, this highlights a definition for maturity...

Maturity is being able to communicate your feelings and thoughts.

(Half baked thought).

‍

7.) Remove all labels for yourself and others.

Remove all the labels you have of other people.

“He’s arrogant.”

“She’s always like this.”

“You’re always so groggy.”

“You’re such a moaner.”

By labelling someone, you’re locking them into a psychological identity they didn’t agree to. So it’ll then become a self-fulfilling prophecy; they’ll unconsciously strive to confirm the identity you’ve given them.

Set them free.

And yourself.

Live beyond labels.

Observe without evaluating.

Labelling in such a way is a sign of immaturity. Socialise with people who do it at your own peril.

Worse yet, people do it out of laziness. They’re not thinking. They’re judging. Because thinking is extremely hard.

‍

Part 2: quotes from other boiz n girlz

‍

1.) Hierarchies.

“Contra to popular belief, success isn’t being at the top of a hierarchy, it’s being outside all hierarchies.”

- Nassim Taleb

‍

2.) Life is a game.

“Life is not a journey towards a perfect destination. It’s a game that never ends. And it’s the very worst of us. But it’s also the best.”

- Will Storr

‍

3.) Stories & games.

"Conscious life is organised by storytelling. Unconscious life is organised by status games."

- Will storr

‍

4.) Status in one game rarely transfers to another game.

“When freedom means expulsion from the meaning you’ve spent your life making, then freedom is hell.”

- Will Storr

Basically, if you spend a considerable amount of time rising the ranks in one status game, then change to play a completely different one, you don’t transfer status. You start from 0. And that feels horrible.

‍

5.) Charm yourself.

"Some fusses are worthwhile simply because we want to be charmed by ourselves. Yes, that’s it, now that I say it – I charmed myself in those small pretty ways. I loved doing it. Charlotte, make a point of charming yourself. It’s part of loving yourself. And loving life.’

- What We Want: A Journey Through Twelve of Our Deepest Desires (Charlotte Fox Weber)

‍

6.) Cherish the now.

“I was certain it would be marvellous one day. It turns out that one day happened every day for all those years I’ve been alive. Do not believe that meaning will arrive one day, later on in life. It will come then too, but it’s already happening. It happens just about every day throughout your life, if you pay attention."

- What We Want: A Journey Through Twelve of Our Deepest Desires (Charlotte Fox Weber)

‍

7.) Expressing your desire to love is the most vulnerable thing you can do.

"People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.’ When it comes to our big wants, we find ways to talk ourselves out of thinking clearly about our true desires and needs. We get enmeshed with obstacles. Love is no exception to this. We describe the reasons we can’t do something, the problems that hold us back. We can find it easier to say what we don’t want than what we do want. Letting ourselves want love exposes us to our vulnerabilities and risks rejection and humiliation which we’ve experienced, or we imagine. It takes great courage to express the desire for love."

- What We Want: A Journey Through Twelve of Our Deepest Desires (Charlotte Fox Weber) (lol u can tell what book I'm reading rn)

‍

8.) Perhaps the dragons are princesses?

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

‍

9.) The perils of not knowing what's important.

“If you don't know what's important to you, you end up defaulting to one of two things; what pays most, or what are other people doing.”  

- Ryan holiday

‍

10.) If you met your inner critic, you'd think he's/she's a douchebag.

"Were we to meet this figure socially, this accusatory character, this internal critic, this unrelenting fault-finder, we would think there was something wrong with him. He would just be boring and cruel. We might think that something terrible had happened to him, that he was living in the aftermath, the fallout, of some catastrophe. And we would be right."

Adam Phillips

‍

11.) Just leave.

"There's a time for departure, even when there's no certain place to go."

- Tennesse Williams

‍

I hope you're doing more than well.

But if you're not, no biggie.

Until next week,

Lew