You’re not bad at relationships — you’re missing this

Strong relationships are built on 4 pillars:

To crumble any relationship (or block connection with anyone), just shatter one or more pillars.

Why this matters...

Without understanding what actually makes a strong relationship, you'll get distracted by all the pointless things society convinces you matters in one:

"If they don't earn 100k per year, ditch em."

"If he's not 6 feet tall, drop him."

"If she can't make it onto a Victoria's Secret catwalk, don't bother."

Then you'll scratch your head confused as to why the person who ticks one of these superficial boxes just feels like the "wrong person".

The truth...

You don't build better connections with people by cramming them into the ideal version you want them to be.

You build better connections by changing how you show up to your relationships.

The good news...

You can change how you show up right now.

What to do next...

Pick one conversation in the next 24 hours.

And instead of trying to "perform socially", just focus on building one pillar.

Not all four, just one.

For example:

If you choose honesty: say something you'd usually hold back.

If you choose empathy: get genuinely curious about the other person's perspective.

If you choose autonomy: don't give advice or try to steer them to a version you'd like them to be, respect their right to be their own person and help them respect that right themselves.

If you choose reflection: summarise what they said in your own words before replying (you could even say "so just to make sure I understood you correctly...").

(If you do this last one I guarantee the person will propose to you on the spot, people love it. So lads don't do this to your guy friends unless you want the smoke.)

Then notice:

How does the interaction feel different?

How different do you feel in the interaction?

That different feeling?

That's what creating a strong connection feels like.

The wrap up...

You don't find connection.

You build it with the four pillars of: honesty, empathy, autonomy, respect.

HEAR.

Thanks for reading,

Lew

P.S. Small announcement for the people interested in social skills. My course on social confidence is now open for its first intake. But ONLY until Sunday. I’ll only promote it on my waitlist. You can join it here.

P.P.S The course is about removing hesitation in your social life. Removing those ‘I almost said something’ moments. This way, you can go from a passive socialiser who waits for the moments to come to you, to a proactive socialiser who creates social opportunities whenever they want. Check it out here.

P.P.P.S You might even get into a relationship because of it (if you aren’t already), and you can practise getting better at these four pillars.

P.P.P.P.S Pickup lines not included in the course hahah