on the importance of "getting out"

5 days ago I spent 2 days in London with my best friend Joe. Out and about, speaking to people and interacting with them.

Just before getting the train home we were at Victoria station buying drinks from a local shop.

But as soon as I walked in I was greeted by a huge smile from the young lady behind the counter.

"Interesting" I thought as I smiled back at her and carried on to the drinks section.

She seemed around 22, had long dark hair and lovely brown skin. Honestly I've never seen such a warm smile in my life.

So 2 minutes later, with a ginger shot, still and coconut water in hand, I walked over to her counter and handed the drinks to her while smiling. Neither of us said a word. Just pure smiles.

Honestly lowkey caught off guard by her smile, I felt excited and kinda nervous. She was very attractive.

So she takes my drinks and starts scanning them while looking down and giggling. All the while I'm stood there like a lemon, smiling like this just trying to enjoy the moment...

But then my social anxiety chimed in and said "YOU CAN'T JUST STAND HERE AND SAY NOTHING YOU NEED TO SAY SOMETHING!" 🤣

So in a scrambled moment of social creativity I asked her "how would you describe working here in one word?". To which she looked confused and said "erm, why?... Are you HR?" as she continued scanning my drinks.

"Nooo!" I assured her, genuinely shocked at how sincerely she thought I worked for the HR department of this shop. "I'm genuinely curious, plus I'm just trying to start a conversation."

"Ah ok" she said and giggled again. She then continued to think for the next 30 seconds which made me doubt the utility of my question. It was meant to spark a conversation not put her into a vow of silence.

But after another giggle, and growing paranoid of standing there smiling like a lemon, I addressed the elephant in the room and said "its hard isn't it!" to which she quickly responded with "I've got it!."

"Go on" I encouraged her.

"Long" she concluded.

We both laughed.

Eye contact, smiles, giggles, fun, playfulness.

So seeing as Joe had finished paying for his stuff to the right of me, I wrapped up our conversation, said goodbye to her and me and Joe left.

But as soon as we stepped out of the shop I regretted not getting her number. But I concluded I’d leave it. Keep it cool. You don’t always have to leave an interaction with a number. Her smile was infectious enough.

So an hour later, feeling high after such an intense and vibey encounter, I was walking back through the alley to my mum's house and I began to anticipate returning to my usual, boring, self-focused routine. And suddenly all of my positive feel good energy drained out of me, and I was left with a pit of emptiness in my stomach.

But that's when I realised...

People don’t just appear out of thin air. You have to put yourself in the places where the chances of you interacting with them is the highest.

What's more, I then realised how logically insane what I've been doing for the past month has been; isolating myself then wondering why my social life is so dire.

So if you’re sitting around isolating yourself, wondering why you don’t have anyone in your life or any exposure to fun social encounters that'll bring you joy, read that again and realise how ridiculous it sounds.

“I’m isolated. I wonder why my social life is so shit?”

BECAUSE YOU'RE ISOLATING YOURSELF.

Sorry for shouting, I had no idea how else to make that read with conviction.

So get out. Change the routine. Take your earphones out. Make an effort to smile. Open your posture. Signal to others that you're friendly.

Go first, go positive and be constant in doing it.

Not that this context is only about dating, but the last few people I’ve dated I’ve met doing something; in a hostel, walking down the street or at a salsa class.

You need to expose yourself to the world for other people to find you and vice versa.

And always remember; people want to be spoken to. Interacted with. Listened to. Flirted with.

Get out there.

Create your own luck.

They're waiting for you.

That's all for this week,

(I thought I'd just share this little story instead of bombarding you with 10 billion psychological concepts lol.)

Before we sign off, I'd love to hear from you: what's currently holding you back from going first with others? What would "taking more social initiative" look like for you?

Respond to this email, I'm on the other side.

Until next week,

Lew

P.s. on this topic; the social anxiety programme is coming along nicely. I've come up with a killer way to start a non-cringe, super vibey interaction with anyone without having to try and "get something from them". Just pure intentions to have social fun. I can't wait to share it with you. I'll keep you updated when it's ready.

P.s.s meme & visual of the week?

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